just some thoughts...

I think I'm just writing to be able to remember what has gone on these past few weeks...not really so that anyone can comment or be amazed.

I find that I go into somewhat of a depression after I have my children.  This is apparently a non hormonal thing, which many people would have told me after giving birth to my boys.  I find that i feel the same way this time...almost "scared" of this person that I don't know yet.  Will she sleep? Will she eat?  Will she like what we're doing right now?  Will she die from her brothers falling on top of her or playing too rough with her?  How do i get her to nap longer?...oh yeah, and this time...how will i "bond" with her?? 

I yet again, am faced with the concept of refuge...where is mine??  And because I have been through this feeling two times, i can see it more easily this time around.  I know I need God to make me joyful.  And the greatest part is that His Word promises me just that when I go to Him.  So I have been running there (still not as much as I should) but running there when i can.  I am meditating in James.  This brings me much comfort that God, in my trial, will produce character and help me throw off my sin...all the things necessary for pleasing Him and having true joy! 

Ruthie is doing really well. She's on her second night of sleeping straight through until morning...YAY!!! And she's eating like a champ again. She loves crackers (I told her that all American children love a good cracker...), carrots, apples, sweet potatoes, pancakes, noodles, and chicken salad. She still does not like pizza too much, but i'm sure with how much we love it, it'll grow on her.  :)  Oh, and her favorite little snack is raisins...I would have never even had these in cute little boxes in my pantry if it weren't for someone else putting them there.  So whoever provided them, thank you!  It's like her little joy.  And she carries that little box around for about 30 minutes trying to dig out all of those raisins. 

She has always let me rock her while singing and recently she touches my face and stares at me while I sing.  She feels like mine.  I know that sounds strange to say, but sometimes it does feel a lot like babysitting.  And I know there will still be some more of those days coming, but today, it feels wonderfully like it should...like it will someday all the time...

She LOVES pouring water all over herself.  In fact, we have this little pool in the back yard, and she gets in there with tons of splashing by her brothers and still pours cold water all over her face...and she doesn't close her eyes to do it. 

Just my thoughts...

Life At Home

Eleven days down and our family continues to transition from being a family of 4 to now 5.  Ruthie has transitioned well, Lawson and Fletcher are now brave protectors of two pretty ladies in the Grubbs household, and we continue to remember that "It's Good to be a Grubbs!"

Our little ballerina

Say Cheese!

This is a brother up to no good!

Ruthie as the Cat Princess

This girl loves to suck on her towel

Chinese Warrior, CatWoman, Lightning McQueen and Beautiful Mommy 

First exposure to chocolate pudding was a hit

Back Home...

My thoughts after being home a week.

• Thank goodness for my own house!!!  I love seeing Ruthie all happy and giddy that she gets to run around in more than just two rooms...either at her orphanage or at the hotel....the girl likes space!  Every morning Wade and i comment just that she is happy.  So cute!
• 18 month olds are messy....i read that cleaning up your house with children around is like brushing your teeth while eating oreos.  SO TRUE...and i had forgotten what 18 month olds can get into...especially one that has never even seen all of the things that a house can hold.  But it's cute and crazy and i totally let her unload everything...i only regret it when i can't keep up and then i just have to let it go....she's happy and totally not trying to bother my order.
• I think everyone should have one almost 5 year old around when they have a baby....or adopt an 18 month old.  Lawson is the most helpful person...he tells Ruthie, "It's ok, you can take my toys...i know you don't know where you are or how to share..." what???  That must be a work of Donnah Neal or Brook Culbertston, bc that is not the little boy that I left when I went to China.  Wonderfully helpful, that little guy.  He plays teatime with her. She goes up to him with her arms out so that she can dance with him.  What a sweet heart.
• Fletch, on the other hand, really likes to hug her way too hard!  And well, she doesn't like that.  We asked her if Kylah or Kara had liked it when he stayed with them, and he said no.  We tried to explain that Ruthie does not prefer it either.  I think it's sinking in a little bit. He is jealous...but doesn't really know what to do with his feelings.  So he's not regressing or hitting her...he's just crying a lot, which is totally understandable.
• I asked my kids if they were used to Ruthie yet...since we were all having to get used to her...including me. I was trying to get them to talk and just be open with the.  They both responded with "We're totally used to her.  Remember we told you that at the airport?"  Oh, my bad.
• Having Ruthie sleep next to me in a pack n play is a bit better than a newborn.  She still makes all of those noises, but at least she's not hungry and i don't have to figure out which whine or whimper means what.  :) All whimpers mean, "are you still there?" And of course, i am.
• We got out to go to Target yesterday....the girl LOVES to get out!!  YAY YAY YAY!!! My two boys fought and were bickering laughing loudly, but she was a perfect princess in the front of the cart with a HUGE smile on her face.  I know that she'll join in the complaining someday soon, but for now, she just loves it.
• OH, this might be one of my favorites.  We can't really get Ruthie to eat anything American since we've been home....the girl won't  even eat my steamed rice...really? But she can eat her weight in....drum roll please.....PINTO BEANS!!!  Thanks to Brook, who made them for us one night, she has eaten a pint in 2 days.  I think it's amazing that even though I was never pregnant with her, she has taken a liking to the food that i felt like i ate most while we waited for her.  I mean, beans are cheap, they're protein, they're fiber, they're healthy, carbs, etc.  So we ate them quite a bit while our money went towards her....what a funny thing that the Lord made her to like beans... I just laugh every time i see her smile as she eats them. Oh, and she doesn't want to share them.  One thing about Ruthie, is that she'll share just about anything if she thinks you'll like it.  But beans, well, she hit Fletcher when he went towards her bowl.  Oh, that's my daughter! :)
• She can sign please, more, all done, eat and drink...which is totally helping us out. And she now says "night night", gives kisses, and can say "uh oh."  We're well on our way to being an adapted American.
• She loves baths now....I think seeing the tub with toys and brothers changed her mind about the water.  Sometimes she takes two a day, just bc she's so entertained by it.  

Overwhelmed...

Up again at 2:45 am...seems to be my new norm. :)  Switching time zones apparently does not come easy for me.

Also my mind is stirring...how can God be so kind to us??

When we got home from China, it was enough to have my children...all three of them...in my arms.  I needed nothing else.  When we got to our home, we noticed the the lawn was mowed...well, more than mowed, it was actually nicely manicured.  As I took our daughter inside, I couldn't help but notice all of these cute decorations of China themed things, along with snacks, paper plates, a HUGE bowl of fruit (which i have a picture of lawson staring at it with this huge eyes!).  That was enough.  But then i checked my refrigerator...I cried....then the pantry...i cried, then the freezer...you get the picture.  That was enough.

Then we were persuaded to go outside.  I only saw porch furniture.  For anyone who knows us well, we literally eat outside every day for lunch and dinner (esp in the spring and summer) on a quilt.  I love it...never even thought I could have porch furniture.  That was enough...and I cried.  THEN, i saw the most beautiful deck i have ever seen with these AWESOME fire torches...a wonderful "coffee area" and a chest full of toys for our kids...that was enough...and i cried.  How can people be so wonderfully kind to us??

And this next part, is just funny...as i walked out, the HUGE bushes that i can't stand that used to surround our crummy porch were gone!!!!  I found out later that they had attempted to save them...only God could know how much i was so glad that i can now see out my kitchen window, onto the most amazing deck built with wonderfully kind hands....That was enough...and of course, i cried.

Ok, then, as i got Ruthie settled in (did i mention it was enough to have her and my boys all under the same roof?) i noticed that my carpets looked WAY cleaner than they had when i left.  Oh, they were professionally cleaned.  If there were two projects at the top of our list of "must do's" when we got home, it was a carpet cleaning and a new deck...just amazing.

I checked bathrooms, they were all cleaned. Dusting, done.  And done way better than i could ever do them.  Then i checked the baseboards.  Someone had cleaned them ALL...I am a little embarrassed for whoever had this job...I promise, i was going to do it soon!  That was enough...

I know, you're thinking "there's more?"  Yes, there is.  We have all of these other projects that need to be done that we just live with.  We now have a working doorbell, a closet handle, replaced light bulbs, working light fixtures...it's like God was in charge of letting people know what would bless us most....that was enough...

Then, as I think it's all over, the boys get to open presents from the Youth of amazing toys and a Wii!!!  Did i just write that???  A Wii, really?

I told Ruthie when she went to bed that night just how blessed we all were.  She went from having NOTHING of her own to an amazing life because of the family of God...that is enough.

On a side note, we also have all new cleaners, Bath and Body works soaps (haven't bought those since early marriage!), new laundry detergents, gift cards, a pressure washed house and sidewalks, and a cute rose bush in my front yard.

Berachah, ya'll are too kind.  And yes, if anyone wants to know who these people are, they are our church family....the Body of Christ at work...that is enough, and yes, again, i cried.

The Boys We Miss

These are our boys that we can't wait to come home to.  Over the past two weeks we've have some incredible friends help out with the boys.  They have filled their days with fun, learning, eating, and the occasional consoling session when either of them miss mommy and daddy.  Aside from this, our friends have gone above and beyond with keeping us connected with the boys while away.  They've been diligent with scheduled Skype sessions and have even maintained a personal blog for us - sending us pictures and updates on the boys each day (again "above and beyond").  Neal and Culbertson family - thanks for being such wonderful friends.

Doughnuts with the Culbertsons.  Lawson (above) will be 5 this summer and Fletcher (below) 3.

A Visit to the Atlanta Zoo while we visited the Zoo in Guangzhou.  Pandas straight from China.

Fletcher practicing his big brother on poor Kara before Ruthie comes home.  We're sure he tottered her.

Justin and the boys found a sign at the ATL zoo that pointed toward Guangzhou.  

Skype time with mom and dad.

You will notice the sibling rivalry even during worship time!  This made Nat and I feel at home :)

Heading Home

There are fast days in the adoption process and there are slow days.  Today was a slow day.  Our paperwork is in hand, passports and visas are secured, bags are packed, and the Grubbs are ready to head home.  Today has been filled with saying our goodbyes to several adoptive families that have become friends over the past two weeks.  Many of them are taking a train to Hong Kong and flying out to the states from there tomorrow morning.  We pray for traveling mercies for each our friends.

As we say these goodbyes we notice several families just now entering into Guangzhou.  Husbands and wives step out of taxis and there is a look in their eyes - a look of anticipation.  They flew into China occupying two seats and they will fly out using three.  Natalie and I watch with excitement for them, often times looking down at our Ruthie in amazement.  Just two weeks ago we were in their shoes and we too were filled with anticipation, questions, and our share of nervousness.    Now there's sheer gratitude.  In those two weeks, Ruthie has grown ever more trusting of us as her parents and we have grown in unimaginable love for her.  Come Thursday evening (US Eastern time) little Ruthie Noel Grubbs' feet will touch down on American soil, she will become a US citizen, meet her brothers for the first time, and will begin the wonderful journey of learning that is "Good to be a Grubbs".    

Much has happened since our last post so here is a rushed attempt to catch you up:

• Saturday (June 2) -  Ruthie had her medical exam here in China and had her picture taken for her visa.  Her exam went well but we have established that Ruthie does not like people in white coats.
• Monday (June 4) - we received Ruthie's Chinese passport and spent a few hours at the Guangzhou zoo.
• Tuesday (June 5) - The Grubbs visited the US Consulate here in Guangzhou, took our oath before a room crowded with other adopted families, and Ruthie legally became part of our family according to US law (the Chinese government legally declared her part of our family the previous Tuesday)
• Wednesday (June 6) - The Grubbs visit Shamian Island and received Ruthie's visa.  The Chinese government requires individuals to be in country at least 24 hours after receiving visa - which puts our departure date for Thursday June 7 (12:40pm).  We'll fly from Guangzhou to Seoul then on to Atlanta.  

The Grubbs girls take China by storm - beginning with a stroll through the park of Guangzhou.  These two command an audience wherever they go.   

Dinner with fellow Lifeline friends - a group of adoptive families from various parts of the country.

Law and Fletch - the wildlife pics are for you guys.  

Ruthie was born in 2010 - the year of the TIGER

Just loved this picture of Nat - there will be repercussions for this posting later I'm sure.  "Love you Beautiful!" 

Pandas in China

This is a Jaguar.  Ever since watching his first Diego episode, Fletcher has been fascinated with jaguars.

First time at the pool.  Before this outing bath time was a wrestling match in the Grubbs family.  The visit to the pool really opened Ruthie up to the water.  We've come a long way with bath time (i.e., no more wrestling matches!).

The next few are some of the many expressions of Ruthie

Dolled up for our group photo

Lifeline group

This was a common sight during our visit to China.  Natalie and Ruthie surrounded by inquisitive locals.  They were always mesmerized by a beautiful red head with gorgeous China daughter in tow.  The majority of them always wanted to know if Ruthie was from China - which made us laugh hysterically.

Waiting to board our dinner boat tour on Shamian Island

Shamian Island has several dinner boats that run along the Pearl river giving evening tours of the city.

The Grubbs with the world's second largest tower in the background.

Long morning of sightseeing.

Nat made a great friend in Angie from Missouri.  She was a part of the same group adopting through Lifeline.

Three passports packed and ready to go.  Atlanta here we come!