I think I'm just writing to be able to remember what has gone on these past few weeks...not really so that anyone can comment or be amazed.
I find that I go into somewhat of a depression after I have my children. This is apparently a non hormonal thing, which many people would have told me after giving birth to my boys. I find that i feel the same way this time...almost "scared" of this person that I don't know yet. Will she sleep? Will she eat? Will she like what we're doing right now? Will she die from her brothers falling on top of her or playing too rough with her? How do i get her to nap longer?...oh yeah, and this time...how will i "bond" with her??
I yet again, am faced with the concept of refuge...where is mine?? And because I have been through this feeling two times, i can see it more easily this time around. I know I need God to make me joyful. And the greatest part is that His Word promises me just that when I go to Him. So I have been running there (still not as much as I should) but running there when i can. I am meditating in James. This brings me much comfort that God, in my trial, will produce character and help me throw off my sin...all the things necessary for pleasing Him and having true joy!
Ruthie is doing really well. She's on her second night of sleeping straight through until morning...YAY!!! And she's eating like a champ again. She loves crackers (I told her that all American children love a good cracker...), carrots, apples, sweet potatoes, pancakes, noodles, and chicken salad. She still does not like pizza too much, but i'm sure with how much we love it, it'll grow on her. :) Oh, and her favorite little snack is raisins...I would have never even had these in cute little boxes in my pantry if it weren't for someone else putting them there. So whoever provided them, thank you! It's like her little joy. And she carries that little box around for about 30 minutes trying to dig out all of those raisins.
She has always let me rock her while singing and recently she touches my face and stares at me while I sing. She feels like mine. I know that sounds strange to say, but sometimes it does feel
a lot like babysitting. And I know there will still be some more of those days coming, but today, it feels wonderfully like it should...like it will someday all the time...
She LOVES pouring water all over herself. In fact, we have this little pool in the back yard, and she gets in there with tons of splashing by her brothers and still pours cold water all over her face...and she doesn't close her eyes to do it.
Just my thoughts...
